Fuller’s fire – sketch based on Malachi 3.1-4

Script from Sunday’s sketch as performed by Susan and Richard:

Susan and Richard

Susan and Richard mid flow, performing the sketch based on Malachi 3.1-4

Salesman enters, talking to audience with smug, patronising delivery as in an advert.

Salesman Hi, I’m Malachi, here to bring you hope.  Is your offering a bit dirty? Are your sons of Levi looking grey?

Housewife enters holding a pair of jeans.

Housewife I’ve tried everything, but my Levis still come out with dirt on them.

Salesman Are you struggling with all your dirty laundry?

Housewife I’ve got so much dirty laundry it could almost be a metaphor for my life!

Salesman holds up a box of washing powder.

Salesman Then you need Fuller’s Fire, the washing powder that leaves your laundry even cleaner than it was when it was new!

He takes the jeans and throws them offstage.

Housewife Oh, thank you!

Salesman Ten minutes later …

Housewife (shields her eyes) What’s that bright light?

Salesman That’s your jeans.

Susan preparing for the sketch
Susan in her 'housewife' costume.

Housewife They’re shining so brightly I can hardly see them!

Salesman That’s right! Fuller’s Fire leaves your clothes looking whiter than white!

Housewife (thoughtful pause) But they were blue before.

Salesman Of course! Fuller’s Fire doesn’t simply clean your clothes, it changes them!

Housewife Oh. Is that why it’s called Fuller’s Fire?

Salesman No, it’s called Fuller’s Fire because it causes your clothes to spontaneously combust to burn off all the dross!

Housewife What?

Salesman Yes, Fuller’s Fire gets rid of all your dirty laundry – for good!

Housewife (angrily) By burning it?

Salesman Yes! What clothes can endure the day of their washing? What fabric can stand when it appears?

Housewife You burned my clothes!

Salesman (happily) Yes!

Housewife What exactly was the point of that?

Salesman The point is … ?(he falters and clears his throat, dropping the advertising voice). ?The point is, it’s a metaphor, a picture, an acted out parable. You said your dirty laundry was a metaphor for your life, and…

Housewife I said my dirty laundry could almost be a metaphor for my life! That doesn’t justify burning my clothes!

Salesman But don’t you see, in a metaphorical sense it’s like the Fuller’s Fire destroying all that’s wrong with your life and reforming you as a new creation. Do you not see?

Housewife Of course I see, I’m not completely stupid! But my clothes won’t reform, will they?

Salesman Um … no, the metaphor doesn’t really stretch that far.

Housewife (shouts) Then what are you going to do about my clothes?

Salesman Well, if you’d read the small print, you’ll find that all demonstrations are at the owners risk.

Housewife Right, that’s it, I’ll sue! Get out!

Salesman Whoah! Don’t shoot me, I’m only the messenger, and anyway, you are Sue…

He makes a hasty exit.  Housewife sits on the edge of the stage holding her head in her hands.

Our Theme for 2017

‘‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

Matthew 25:40